A Bump In the Road (Figuratively... not Literally Yet)

Hello again...

Well. I like to keep my posts as light as possible, but I just have to share some challenges I have experiences recently.

Let me start with my registry experience. First of all, if you have never registered for a baby before, no judging. It is NOTHING like your wedding registry. With your wedding registry, you have been a functional adult for at least a couple of years and have a general idea of what you need. The hardest decision you may need to make is the difference between the comforter or the duvet cover or what color you want your bathroom rug to be. Ah, the good ole days.

Well, a baby registry is quite different. I received a "Babies R Us" Catalog in the mail, and thought hey... it might be a good idea to maybe get a head start on this whole registry thing. I don't know the gender yet and won't know for at least another month, but what's wrong with working ahead? EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH WORKING AHEAD. So already my entire philosophy of life has been turned on its head with this baby. I'm the type of person that is always ahead of the game. Heck, I have already written my year plans for school. And it's June. I know I have a problem, just let me be.

Holy hell, starting that registry was like opening Pandora's Box. I haven't felt like such an idiot since I accidentally got scheduled in that Pre Med Chem Honors class in college (which, I got an A in btw. boom).
The sheer amount of crap you "need" is soooooooooo overwhelming. And I thought I was doing well researching blogs like "Lucie's List"- which try and help you sort through the choices. Here is a glimpse of what I was met with. Now, remember, I am a FTM (first time mom), and I basically know I need a bottle and some diapers. Yea, that about does it right? I mean they had babies in cave people times right? What more can we really need..... try--


( I challenge you to read this in ONE breath)---infant car seat, car seat base, simple stroller base, strollers, newborn carrier, infant/toddler carrier, bouncers, swings, tubs, hooded towels, was cloths, shampoo, temp crib, swaddle aids, crib, crib mattress, mattress cover, crib sheet, crib bumper, blanket, WEARABLE blanket (what the eff is the difference?), baby monitor, diapers, wipes, changing kits, changing pads, changing pad covers, waterproof pads, diaper pail, disposable bags, rash cream, bottles, bottle brush, drying rack, formula, burp cloths, nursing pillow, nursing cover, breast pump, nursing bras, pumping bra, milk storage, breast pads ( by this point I am cringing), kimonos, footies, mitts, onesies, FOOTED onesies, jammies, sweaters, socks, booties, hats, play mat, soft toys, crib mobile, diaper bag, pacifiers, night light, and a WHOLE LOT OF medicine.

Yea. That's page 1. Now, I realize not ALLLLLLL of this is needed and right away, but still. And not only do they say we recommend these things. There are like 534i7543 choices for each item. Yea, an "i" was needed in that number. It's for the number "infinity." I was expressing my exasperation to my cousin ( who has two beautiful boys) and she said that yea it's overwhelming... "you walk into the store and there are 15000 nipples to chose from, 10000 strollers, 5 bouncers, and 15 pack n plays." You can imagine my face reading that text. And if I were a bad person I might just do like an "eeny, meeny, minny, mo"... but alas, I am going to have to research every product for accident and consumer reports. Damn my sensibilities.

So, I slowly closed my computer. Put the magazine in a safe, stored place where I don't have to see it every day and feel guilty about my procrastination. And went walking. For 45 minutes. To clear my mind. I mean at what point did it get that we needed all of this? And I am not saying they aren't useful. And my OCD self will want to use the list as a literal checklist, and I won't be able to sleep at night until all items are purchased. But it really made me wonder, when did it become vital that we MUST have baby kimono? And WHY THE HELL DOES THE NIPPLE MATTER? It's not like we can change our nipples?! This story is definitely too be continued... I might take a video blog of the day we ACTUALLY decide to tackle the registry.


Ok, onto the next humorous ( for all of you ) story. This weekend my wonderful husband decided to take me to New Orleans for the night because he could see I was getting pent up and needed a vacation. He is great, and we had a wonderful time, met up with some friends, and enjoyed some alone time. The next morning we decided to go shopping. We happen to walk by "Motherhood Maternity" store, and we thought it might be fun to go look around. I am not showing yet, but I thought it might be educational.

The easiest way for me to describe the experience would be a man on a tampon aisle. I tried to go in with a positive mindset, but one look at the "stretchy" AKA "your too fat to fit into anything cute" pants sent me spinning. And not to mention all the dirty looks I got from big preggo women in there who are probably thinking "why the hell is that skinny b**** in here?"I quickly pace on to the back of the store where the worst could happen. It's the preggo panties/bra section. Holy mother of God. The size of these underpants. I could fit a small village in each cheek. And all I am thinking is "I am going to have to get these one day?" And the nursing bras are terrifying. Now I picture me standing in the front of my classroom when OOPS teacher is springing a leak like a damn fire hydrant. Needless to say during this episode, Eric seemed to find the "daddy" section of the store. Like he sniffed it out or something. He was sitting in the lounge with the "daddy" magazines. I scared him half to death when I come speeding out saying quickly under my breath "we have to go. NOW". We rush out of the store and into the car as if I stole something. He looks at with amazement and asks "Are you alright?!" I just sat with the air in my face and answered quite simply "I don't think I'm ready for that yet." I will be. Necessity will deaden my senses I am sure. But not now. My sense of shame is full on working.

If that wasn't traumatic enough (if you can't tell I have a flair for the dramatic), this morning I had a full out episode at my doctor's office. Ok, so for the past four weeks I have been looking forward to my 12 week appt.. In my head, I was finally going to see something that resembled a human. It's hard in the beginning. You are going through changes (most of them not good), you feel tired, and you are deprived of a lot of things. I do not mean to sound ungrateful or unappreciative of "the miracle of life"- I am just being honest. The first tri SUCKS. and I haven't even had bad symptoms, so I can IMAGINE how much worse my episode would have been had I not had a blessed pregnancy so far. But it still sucks because you don't look or feel pregnant yet, so basically you appear to be a grumpy/tired/bloated bore. At least when I start to show I can have a physical excuse for why I am the only one sitting down at the party with a water in my hand. So yes, I was finally ready to see the fruits of my labor (pun intended) in a semi-human form. I have been clinging to the picture of my blob since 8 weeks. I was ready for that 12 week ultrasound. And then I was informed I wouldn't be having one. Instant disappointment.

Now, I am NOT ready to get into a debate here about whether or not ultrasounds are detrimental to my baby. That was done on facebook this morning. But I am saying that I don't think that ONE ultrasound is going to cause my child a deformity. I just wanted peace of mind that my kid doesn't have six arms. And all this yucky stuff you have to go through--- it would be nice to get a new pic and hold on to that for another month or so. I still don't think that is too much to ask. And I am not criticizing my doctor's office. I am sure they have their reasons. I was just disappointed. THEN the heart rate monitor wasn't working. So I basically went to the doctor to get my blood pressure taken and to hear "So are you feeling ok?" Um, yea lady I feel great. Other than the fact that I can't see my baby, not sure what the heart rate is, oh and why am I here again? I was obviously irritable.

SO I left the doc office, and burst into tears upon immediately leaving the door. I couldn't help it. I was so excited. Poor Eric once again was at a loss for words and just kept asking if I needed anything. Other than Henry Cavill in the flesh I couldn't think of anything, so he recommended I write my vents in my blog where all of you help affirm my madness. And thus you have today's entry.

Hope it wasn't to whiny...but that's my day today. On a good note-- a best friend of mine asked me to be her bridesmaid via the cutest puzzle I had to put together myself! So excited AND it's in May, so hopefully baby body will be GONEEEEEEEE.

Until we meet again.

BRITTANY XOXO

What Women Should Have Developed By Now

Ok, so when I was babysitting my newborn nephew recently, I started thinking how nice it would be if "built in" I had a few tricks up my sleeve. I started thinking even harder about it, and I realized these "mutations" shouldn't be limited to just mothers, but all women in general. (yes, this may become a feminist post-- deal with it).

#1: a third arm. Literally, a third arm. As I am changing Adam's diaper, making sure his you know what doesn't play sprinkler with the living room, I realized how advantageous a third arm would be. I mean-- think about it. The advantages it would provide with a baby of course are endless--- holding a baby in one, and maybe typing a blog entry in another? But even beyond mothers, I would sure as hell love a third arm while I am in kitchen (ok, rarely I know. Eric is the cook, I am comfortable, not threatened, by it). Or sun bathing (book, drink and phone at ONE TIME?!) Or teaching (Sure Billy, I am just going to grade your awful paper while I also shop for a new bathing suit onlineeeeeeeeeeee).

#2: Built in Google to the Brain. Women are the ultimate multi-taskers. The only arguments I will get from this are the men. We are. I really think it is something that has evolved in us from way back when we had to take care of a family of 12, keep a pristine house, and cook a 5 course dinner. I'd love to see the men in my life do THAT. (I'd love to see myself do it well in fact). So-- how have we not developed some type of quick database system in our brains to easily access information like "finding that movie time for your incompetent friend" while simultaneously "looking up that recipe" as well as "researching the latest teaching methods for Common core." IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES. Give us another 1000 years, we will get it.

#3: a temporary clone. Ok, I realize this may be far-fetched, but helping my sister in law out with her FOUR KIDS I realized... how have we not figured out a way to clone ourselves--- temporarily of course. All women, especially mothers, seriously need time for themselves. I am not even a true mom yet and I realize this one. I cannot imagine being cooped up ALL THE TIME with nothing but work and family duties. Maybe some of you enjoy that, no judgement here. But I would rather live in a world where we just momentarily clone ourselves ( or at least the dutiful part of ourselves),and leave the clone to a day of responsibilities [ take care of baby, wash those mounds of clothes we both seem to ignore, clean the dirt once again from the entrance way into the house, finally empty the dishwasher, garden, water the garden, grade those papers, and if you have some time dear clone, make dinner]. Meanwhile, mommy is out getting her pedicure, running those errands she has been meaning to ( come on, it can't be all fun), maybe getting a quick shop in, having lunch with daddy, tanning by the pool, then stopping by for social hour. Then, she comes home refreshed, ready to play with baby, and energized for the evening. Perfection. Now, of course this must be used sparingly. Even clones can't be abused. Then they start cloning themselves. And that's just crazy talk right there.

#4: Lastly, and I may piss of a few women with this one, an internal warning alarm-- for those times when our crazy just goes too far. We are all guilty of it. Spiraling out of control--- either hormone, stress, or self induced. You know those moments when you know you are going crazy, and you are having an out of body experience during it? Like you are watching yourself say some pretty awful things, and you are thinking in your head "good God, stop! Number 1 you sound so mean, Number 2, you looking trifling." But we can't stop ourselves because that is the very nature of our "freak out." Thus, during those moments of distress when we are either freaking out on hubby, our co workers, or our family/friends, it would be very nice to have a sweet little cuddly creature pop into our brains ( I'm picturing Snuggle from the fabric softener? Or maybe Ryan Gosling?)  and say, "Hey beautiful girl. It's ok-- I know you are right. You are sooo right. But I just want you to calm down a little bit, because hey girl... you're messing up your great look. And you sound like a Banshee." And ladies, I am not saying this is our fault (usually it is the fault of our raging hormones and vengeful schedule). Any of you who know me well know I will never admit I am wrong. Sorry. (It's bc I'm not... :)  )... but even if we are right during those tense talks with sweetheart, it is ok to just be a Betty White instead of a Real Housewife of New Jersey.



Well I am sure I have several more... but I would really love to hear your additions :) Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

First Time Mommy Fears

Ok, sorry I haven't written in a while: holiday, headaches, and baseball have sort of kept me away. I hope everyone had a great Father's Day weekend! I was so happy I could spend father's day with my hubby, my own dad, and my father-in-laws. So special when you can see everyone! I really missed both my Opa and my Pawpaw though.... I was thinking about both of you in heaven :)


Ok, so when I was my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, listening to their funny stories about middle of the night goofs with bottle feeding and what not, I got extremely nervous because while they were talking about "formula," "oh you heat that one up," and "milk for her..."  I go up to Eric and go, "um, I don't know any of this." And of course, he looks at me with that reassuring smile of his, and everything is better now. But that Eric smile is not around me most of the day. Especially during the summer, it's just me and my crazy all alone together like Amanda Bynes and her tweets. (If you don't get the last reference, invest in the E news app. I don't care if it's shallow. I like it).

Anyway, then I get home, and I see that new Galaxy phone commercial where the first time dad is trying to learn how to swaddle his baby while mom is out. And I'm like SHIT-- I don't even know how to FRICKEN SWADDLE. Mommy of the year over here. I'm not trying to get a million to people to suddenly rush over and start teaching me these things. In fact, I will be really pissed if everyone tries to take over my "mommy-dom" for me. I want to learn these things... and I guess I will. I just feel bad for kid #1-- the guinea pig. (Kid #1, if you are reading this one day, I'm sorry for whatever it is I am sure will happen).

So, I began to compile a list of things I really need to get the knack of before the kid pops out. Sorry for the crude idiom; it's only going to get worse from here. Here goes:
1) Breast feeding. GAH, yikes, I want to do it, not in front of ANYONE, so really back off and just wish me luck
2) proper burping
3) swaddling
4) when to use formula, when, how
5) sleep schedules ( ha, I hear all the real mommies say)
6) easing gas pains ( my poor nephew... gassy like a 500 lb man)
7) how to find that comfy spot (seriously-- how does it WANT to be held?) Of course, hubby holds my nephew like he has 8 kids himself. Adam just rests so comfy in his arms... while I can literally see Adam looking at me like "I ain't sleeping on your bony chest honey boo boo"
8) that awful booger sucker thing that looks like a medieval whoopee cushion
9) bath time- in its entirety.
10) what to do with diapers. process, rash, tightness, kind, list goes on...
11) when to move on to different foods
12) how the hell am I supposed to shower?!
13) how to dress the kid without him/her screaming because I am probably tearing off a limb


I realize most first time mom's don't know all of the above, but it still makes me nervous. And I love how the baby books think they can instruct you on these things, when I can barely get through the "deadly diseases your baby could have" section. Yea, I definitely want to read you now.

It feels better to write these fears out, but any advice is still appreciated. Don't come and swaddle my baby first though. Let me try, lol. You know when you are really trying to accomplish something and then the big know it all comes swooping in, does it in an instant, then looks at you like -- there, you go. NO. I NO GO.


I promise not all my entries will be about future baby, but it seems that is most of what takes up my mind right now.

Have a great evening :)

Why I'm Crazy

Ok, first let me say I am overwhelmed by how much support I received yesterday from everyone! I am super excited that people responded the way they did! It lets me know I am not alone!!! I especially appreciate all the current moms who eased my fears a bit! I wanted to just share with you a few or my crazy stories so far being pregnant.

Number 1: Brittany goes psycho on house. My poor, poor husband. So, as I told you yesterday-- I am most worried about time management and baby. I have literally planned out my entire year. Not a joke. I realized there are some key things I need done before school starts. Most of these revolve around house projects. So  of course, Eric comes home to a house literally torn apart. Because, among other projects, I decide to tackle all at once: cleaning out guest closet (soon to be nursery) completely, redoing hall closet, reorganizing back closet, attic runs, cleaning out medicine cabinets, bathroom cabinets, building new shelves for our shoes, cleaning through clothes drawers, going through closet for old clothes, cleaning out pantry, cleaning out fridge, redoing garden in front, and cleaning baseboards. Yea. I am really "taking it easy" this summer aren't I?

Number 2: Pinterest is the devil. So I will openly admit to being addicted to Pinterest. And I am not ashamed. I am very glad I did not have to plan a wedding during Pinterest, because I feel like it is ruining the wedding planning process. Nothing will ever be good enough anymore because we are just comparing our reality to the "money is no option" wedding extravaganzas we see on the big P. Now that I am expecting, Pinterest has become my worst enemy. I pin RIDICULOUS things--- like "ways to make your own baby food,"  "creating mermaid crochet tails for Halloween costumes," and "perfect pacifier storage DIYs." Come on, I don't even make adult food, crochet, or OWN a pacifier, yet. And thus begins my fight with Pinterest. I want to be this DIY, "my nursery is beautifully chic," "why yes, I just so happened to paint a mural on my kid's wall" kind of mom. But let's get real, I'm not. I'll be lucky if I get a piece of furniture in before December. And the SHOWER pins... let's not even go there. The multitudes of pins on gender reveal parties (which I am having, haters get over it... it's the ONE  BIT OF FUN I WANT TO HAVE FOR 9 MONTHS SO BACK OFF), baby showers, cakes, etc makes my head spin. My perfectionism tells me--- you got this girl. And the realistic voice in my head (that sounds a lot like Eric) says... "slow down girl." I guess we will see which one wins out.

Number 3: the "I'm fat stop telling me I am pregnant" phase. Ok-- I truly believe only women that are or were pregnant will relate to this. So, those of you that know me know I have always been skin and bones, mostly. I was a stick growing up, just recently within the past 5 years gained semi-lady parts, and still maintained a 125 weight, which is just about right for a 5'8 girl. Don't let the numbers fool you. I just have a fast metabolism. I would love to bore you with "yea, I totally stay fit and exercise every day and eat gluten-free." Wrong. The most exercise I would get in might have been a jog here or there, but I probably burned the most calories bar hopping with my girls. And leave me and my pizza alone. Ever since becoming pregnant, it has been a real fear-- getting larger. I KNOW it will happen ok. I GET there is a baby in there. BUT IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH YET TO BE SHOWING. What IS showing right now is BLOAT. And a lot of it. I guess I just get irrationally pissy when people are touching my stomach going "aww yep you got a baby right there." Um, no-- that would be gas lady. And don't get me started yet on the people touching your belly. That may be a post in itself. Anyway, It is CRAZY how much you bloat! I never knew that part of pregnancy... you seriously look 5 months pregnant the first 2 months because of it. And I just feel awkward saying it is a baby. Yea, I know it is CAUSED by baby. But doesn't excess cheese sort of cause kidney stones? I'm sure my dad isn't screaming "wow that was a rough block of cheese" while he is passing a stone. It's just not the same thing right now people. I have a baby inside, yes. But it is so far in there right now I promise you aren't even close to it. So I feel incredibly bloated during summer--- when I am supposed to be in a bikini. Yea... I love when I get comments on my aforementioned "bump" every time I put on a suit. Makes me feel a whole lot more confident.

^^^ I realize Number 3 makes me sound like a whiny b word, but this is my blog, and I want to write about why I am crazy-- so at least I recognize the crazy. And I am NOT upset about being preggo whatsoever! In fact, I have had a near PERFECT pregnancy so far-- ZERO NAUSEA, little fatigue, skin still ok, etc. Major side effects: lots of peeing, emotional roller coaster, and... which brings me to Number 4--

Number 4: It's my baby, I can cry if I want to. Holy moly... the waterworks have been non stop. I cry at EVERYTHING. I cry at the usual ASPCA commercial, the military ads, sad songs, etc. But it doesn't stop there. I cried when I saw an INSURANCE commercial yesterday. Not a sentimental one, like I am talking GEICO. I thought the gecko was so cute.. which led me to think about geckos...which made me sad because so many people hate them....which made me think of little boys killing geckos...which made me think what if I have a mean nasty little boy who kills geckos?! You see the pattern. I cried my EYES out yesterday because a good family friend gave me one of his famous 2$ bills for the baby and he said "from Pawpaw Charlie". I thought, oh how sweet! First money for the baby... it can go in the nursery...that really was so sweet of him to do that... oh hell, he called himself Pawpaw Charlie, which makes me think of my grandpas, who aren't here anymore...and won't get to meet the baby.... again, you see where I am going. I assume this side effect will only get worse. It just makes my poor husband (is that the 3rd time I have said 'poor husband' already?) feel on edge ALL THE TIME. Eric is living in this sort of personal hell scared to say "pass the salt" because I may start to think about how salt kills slugs... and that's torture. Or he may feel scared to tell me I look beautiful because I then turn to him with tears in my eyes yelling "I AM HUGE, AND ONLY GOING TO GET BIGGER DONT TELL ME IM PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!" (as if it was smart of him to actually say, well honey you look great, considering.)


There are so many stories I could share, but I am probably losing most of you, so that's another post to come. Soon, I definitely want to talk about food because that is extremely interesting to me at the moment.

Hope you are enjoying the mundane (but interesting to me) facts of my life right now. PLEASE weigh in on my crazy. Confirm or denounce it, whichever you choose.

Britt. Out.

My First Post and the" Why Am I Doing This" ?

Ok, so being that I have never started a blog before, I can't promise anything.I do not care to proofread this, revise it, or do anything I tell my students to do. Hypocritical, I know. But this isn't that sort of writing. I can't even promise I will have more than one entry on this "she must be bored, it's summer" project. Let me start by saying, I started this blog for myself after I found out I was pregnant for my little on due in January. Photo below: peanut at 6 then 8 weeks

 I guess it started as a way to chronicle my experiences over the next 9 months-- both to look back on as well as mock myself when my hormones aren't raging---which they are. But that is a post for another day. I foresee this blog becoming a way I can (as cliche as it sounds) "release." I live a very busy life, despite what most people think of teachers. During the school year, I am  at school teaching my heart out till 235, cheerleading till 430 (usually), an attempted workout fit-in, come home to an evening of the following (in no particular order): grading, a form of dinner, grading, planning, cleaning, grading, showering, trying to set aside time for hubby, maybe a view of one of my favorite shows, oh and did I mention grading? During our "summer," I give my cheerleaders off in June so that I can be the crazy person I really am inside. I create an intense list the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER, which outlines house projects, cleaning duties, cheerleading to do's, and school duties I want to accomplish before the fall. This list can run three-four pages on average. July rolls around and I add daily practice, more inservices, and a week long fundraiser to the list. My time starts get seriously cramped once again, and August is looming eerily ahead, complete with pep rallies, Friday night football games, and the usual beginning of year crazies. 

You may think I hate my job. On the contrary, I love it. I can't picture doing anything else. I am a nerd at heart. I enjoy the spontaneity of teaching high schoolers and the constant changing I have to go through in order to adequately teach them. The problem is my time. Because I am a perfectionist, I tend to give more time to things than I need to. 

And there is where my biggest fear is over becoming a mom: will I be able to be a good mom, a good wife, AND be good at my job-- while somehow finding time for me? I am sure that is every expectant mom's fear. But it is a real big one for me. I am not worried about my pregnancy (yet), not worried about labor (yet), not worried about hubby ( I will never be- he is fantastic). I am worried about what I am supposed to do post delivery room. 

My husband may be the greatest man on Earth. I don't know how God could create someone that is not only attractive, but patient, hardworking, understanding, funny, and loving. Go ahead-- assume that is what everyone is supposed to say. But he really is. And if you know Eric, you will agree with me. My family is awesome as well , and I am excited about my immediate family finally moving back home. My husband's side is super helpful as well, especially since my sister-in-law now has four beautiful and well behaved children (she is a database of current baby knowledge). I know they will be there for me. I am thrilled that I have excited them as much as I have by bringing news of our little baby! 

So it is not that I won't have support. Definitely not the case. It once again comes back to doubts about me. Will I be good enough? I don't exactly have the "mother" instinct, the "mother" look, or the "mother" touch. I know, I know-- "it will come." But what if it doesn't? What is my baby likes my mother and grandmother, and any other mother over me because they are better with children? Gah, I could go on for hours, but I won't. That is what I wanted to get off my chest I guess. That's what this blog is doing for me --- making me write until I see the point of my madness. 

So no judging. Publicly, anyway. I don't have the hormonal stability to cope :) Come on, I cried at an insurance commercial yesterday. Not kidding. 

Stay tuned for more irrational behavior, brought to you by yours truly.