What Every New Mom Needs To Hear About The FIRST TWO WEEKS HOME...

Well...this will probably be the entry I have spent the most time on in terms of how to word things. I really thought long and hard about what to put in this blog... hopefully it isn't too long. But these are all things I wish I would have known before spending those first two wonderful and terrifying weeks with my newborn.

"The Trip Home"--- I really am glad for those of you that had a calm, peaceful, and beautiful trip home from the hospital. I don't envy you... because I pretty much have a memory that I will never forget.  You know how they say newborns are "always sleeping"? Haha, not Miss Aria. From the moment she was born she was the most alert baby. As I am typing this, she is on her playmat wide awake just watching me. So... the time comes for us to dress her and bring her home. Trying to schedule a smooth ride home, I nurse her and think oh surely she will fall asleep. Think again newbie. At this point baby girl is only living on colostrum ( look it up if you were like me) and a bit cranky. Eric and I also had never really dressed her before either. Combine hunger with new parents who suddenly forget how to dress a babydoll = one unhappy baby. Poor Aria is SCREAMING as we dress her and fumble with the carseat. OK RANT COMING---- those damn carseats. I realize they are leagues better than they used to be... but for first time parents trying to make sure they are just tight enough, without being too tight... it's a nightmare. I will never forget this scene: Aria is in her carseat (probably sweating her ass off bc we had her dressed for a blizzard), I'm hovering at her side trying to soothe her with her pacifier ( but I am still trying to recover from my hellish labor so can't move very well), and Eric ( this is the best part...) is PISSING SWEAT from every orifice trying to figure out the straps. And the nurse is just watching us from the side like "hm... incompetent fools. good luck when you get home". I realize this is NOT how I want to leave the hospital ( come on, it's Morgan City. I wasn't about to have the entire town know I couldn't get my NEWBORN to go to sleep). So I tell everyone to stop ( as my hormones flared up) and say put her in my arms as we get wheeled out. We will deal with this later. So we unstrap her and she calms down once in my arms and we are wheeled out in bliss. (quiet chuckle...) We get down to the lobby...and by the way, the weather was having a RECORD low... and it's time to tackle the carseat again. Luckily, we were a bit smoother and got her in with minimal crying before we just ran out of that hospital like we were skipping out on the bill. Yea... picturesque isn't it? I felt like the Beverley hillbillies leaving... but like I said, a good story and memory :)

Next topic... the "OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO FEELING"-- that is pretty much self explanatory, but please hear me all my friends who are expecting their first... USE YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDS. No matter how much I read, went to classes, thought I was prepared... nothing could prepare me for my first two weeks home. They are wonderful and terrifying at the same time. You cannot believe you actually have your bundle at home, and then you realize "oh my God, I am responsible for the LIFE of this baby." "am I putting her diaper on right?" "Is she eating enough?" "Is she cold? Is she hot?" "Is that gas?" "Why are her eyes watering?!" "I am never cutting her nails..." Oh and TAKE DINNER FROM YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM! Thank God for our family... we had meals for two weeks. My poor husband didn't go hungry & didn't have to eat fast food!! Sorry, not superwomen...can't raise a newborn, heal, and be Martha Stewart.

Next: I have compiled a list of things a first time (and OCD) mom needs to accept/be prepared for:
1) you will always smell like Butt Paste. No matter how much you scrub in your 3 minute shower, the smell will never leave you. You know how they say a newborn knows its mom's scent? YEA BABIES KNOW THE ONE THAT SMELLS LIKE THE CREAM RUBBED ON THEIR ASS IS THE ONE WITH THE MILK.

2) Your baby will shart (fart and shit) the second you change her diaper. Do yourself a favor...unless it's the biggest explosion you have ever heard... give yourself a bit before you change her. Because chances are, she will just do it again. Especially if she is breastfed. No, the poo WILL not eat their ass away. I thought every time she had poo I had to change immediately. And I am sure there are those who disagree with me, but I think excessive changing will make a baby's butt just as raw. Aria is almost a month, and hasn't got diaper rash yet. Just relax.

3) Remember how hot you used to be? Remember when you would get up in the morning and "get ready"? Well, for now you need to accept that those days are over. The sooner you accept that, the easier it is. Brush your teeth (eventually) and maybe put your hair up? And throw on some base and mascara to at least feel like a human, but the days of that perfectly curled hair/Mac model are over for now. I do hope they come back soon!

4) Let go of your dignity ( see previous post ). Again, especially breastfeeding. When it comes down to it, I prefer to stop my baby crying sooner than later. I don't have time to ask you to leave the room. I am feeding my baby. ( See the visitor note below )

5) Love your house. Because you will be spending a lot of time in it. Especially if you have a winter baby! I am still trying to adjust to this new hermit life.

6) Prepare for visitors. This is a difficult subject, because on one hand you understand that your family is dying to see their new addition, but on the other hand you need to try and schedule them! At one point we had over 10 people in the house a few days after I gave birth. It was overwhelming for me, and I had a lot of trouble handling it. Do yourself a favor and try and space them out. It's not mean, it's smart.

7) Re-imagine your clock. By this I mean don't see 5 pm as the evening anymore, or 3 am as late. Your new clock consists of these times: "baby eating" "baby sleeping" "Baby playing" "mommy sleeping". Period.

8) Treasure the small amount of adult time you have. A lot of people say "sleep when the baby sleeps." yes, absolutely. HOWEVER, I find that that small 30 min I have after putting Aria "down" for the night with Eric is gold. We watch a Modern Family in bed, talk, and go to bed. I think those 30 min where I feel like an adult again is way better than 30 min of sleep. But that's just me.

9) Daytime tv sucks. Get some movies. That is all.

10) Ignore the scale. Just trust me. I have only given birth 3.5 weeks ago, and have lost all my baby weight but 5 lbs, but I still feel like a failure. Just don't do it.

11) Replace your pretty kitchen counter decorations with the following: a bottle drying rack, your pump accessories, a lot of paper towels, and a lot of coffee materials.

12) Master the 1 hand diaper change. Only took me a week, and now I am thinking of entering a contest.

13) Realize your baby will not always look like a magazine model. I thought every day I would put my sweet girl in fabulous outfits and bows. hahaha... you will soon realize if they didn't spit up in their onesie from the night before, they will stay in it. And bows can wait until: you actually leave the house and she actually lets you put them on.

14) Sponge baths suck too. Luckily you only have to do it like every three days until the cord falls off. Your baby will scream. It's ok, she isn't dying.

15) Invest in a lot of Pj's--- it's all your wearing for a while mama.

16) Laugh when she poos/farts/breathes like an old man at night instead of worrying about it. It helps. Eric and I were in stitches the other night listening to her. Good memory.

17) She isn't dying when she spits up or is crying until she farts. I know her sad face stabs you in the heart, but it's supposed to. That means you care. She will get through it. And so will you.

18) Last, but not least: get some sun dracula. Vitamin D is good for you and her. Bundle her up and go for a walk on a nice day.

Ok, Last topic: "The Hormone Rage"***************---> This is very important for me to write. Of everything I expected to struggle with, my hormones wasn't one of them. I want to preface this with "this may not apply to everyone." But I wanted to tell my story in hopes of maybe helping someone else. The first two weeks I was home ( and then literally went away at the start of week 3) I had the worst experience with my hormones. I wouldn't say I had post partum exactly... I wanted to take of my sweet one. But I had such severe anxiety about EVERYTHING. From worrying if I was doing it right ,to if she would catch RSV, to if I was losing myself, to if I was being a good wife, I was crazy. I cried every 30  min it seemed. Over what? I don't know if I can tell you. I was just so worried about her, about me, about Eric. When I got a brief break from holding her, I would run to the bathroom and cry. When there were a lot of people over, I would take her in the nursery and cry. When she broke out in hew newborn rash, I cried like she was dying. When I was washing the dishes and everyone is having a laugh in the living room, I cried because I thought I would never feel happy again. A part of me is ashamed to admit it. Aren't you supposed to be ecstatic when you bring your baby home? And Instead I am super sad and anxious???? SO then I would cry because I wasn't feeling what I was supposed to feel! Seriously, I was LIVING in the crazy bunker.

Things I needed to hear at the time ( and did hear from my loved ones): It is OK to cry. No, you aren't crazy. It's hormones, it will pass. You are NOT a bad mom. You are doing the BEST JOB YOU CAN. Your family can just deal with your ups and downs, don't worry about them too. Your husband is a big boy... let him take care of you. TRUST yourself. TRUST it will pass. You will feel normal again ( still waiting on this one, but I am told it will come!).


So hopefully all those soon to be moms will remember all this. I hope I do for round 2 ( which don't get excited won't be for a longggg time).

Ok, don't know when there will be another post...but stay tuned!

Aria's Birth

Here she is! Our beautiful little angel!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Aria Marie Matte

8lbs 9 oz

19.1 In

Born: January 1, 2014 2:08 pm

Look at my New Year's Baby! Gorgeous isn't she? I know I am her mom and all...but really. And yes, that is her real hair lol. 

Ok, so this is mostly for my friends who are pregnant and have been dying to hear my labor story. TMI WARNING to all...

I went to my doctor Dec 26th... baby still measuring big. Doc tried a membrane sweep ( ouch ) to try and get things going because he said due to my small pelvis, I could have a little bit of trouble birthing a larger baby. The membrane sweep was, well... it wasn't exactly unbearable, but it wasn't a walk in  the park either. For those of you who are like me and had no idea what a membrane sweep is... basically the doctor goes in and separates your water bag from your uterus ( he is separating the membranes ). It hurts but only lasts for a minute.  Doc thought that would get things moving as I was 1 cm and 80% effaced, but come the weekend and still no baby! Let's just say I walked 10 miles to get that baby out, ate spicy foods, and you know did a lot of that other thing to induce labor... and nothing. 

So we see the doctor again on the Monday, and he tries a second membrane sweep... and nothing. I'm very hormonal and devastated. They all say be patient and "when the baby is ready.." blah blah blah. I will no longer judge any woman wanting to do everything in her power to have that baby. I was SO against inducing...until the end. lol. 

To ease my non labor blues... my mom took me shopping, to lunch, to get my nails done...anything to get my mind off the fact that I was not having the baby. 

  

But I didn't have to wait long bc doctor was still concerned about Aria's size so he asked to see me the next day (Dec 31st). I saw him that morning, and he confirmed I could be induced that afternoon ( while not medically necessary, he said he felt better inducing to reduce problems for a vaginal birth). I REALLY wanted to avoid a C section, and of course was ready... so ... IT"S GO TIME.

Eric and I went home, got our minds right, had our "last supper" if you will at Castalano's and went in around 2 pm to start the induction. Well... here is where every preconception I had of labor gets thrown out the window. 

So we check in... and I assume it's a long process. Nope. I walk in... say I am getting induced. And they bring me to a room... tell me to strip... and get in the bed. Well, I tie the gown. Because well I don't want my ass open to the world. (first time mom mistake #1--- assuming you have a shred of dignity left ). The nurses come in... and have a nice little laugh at me. I believe they said something like "Aw look how cute... she's all modest." um... sorry for not getting in the stirrups right off the bat. Jeez. 

So they hook me up.. and apparently I was ironically have contractions. Pretty big ones too. But I didn't really feel much pain.  (first time mom mistake #2--- assuming you won't have much pain because you 'aren't feeling the contractions' hahahah poor little Brittany....)

Fastforward about 6 hours ( close to midnight ) and I am having what was at that time the worst pain I have every experienced. Contractions were awful. I am sorry...but I am not going to sugar coat it. Some awesome women have had natural birth and said it was a "high" and that it "really wasn't that bad." I'm calling bullshit. Sorry for all the language but it's true. While everyone else in the world is counting down to the new year I am basically begging for my epidural and shooting hate stares at my night nurse.

The problem was.... despite being 90% effaced and about  3 cm dilated at this point... my cervix was still extremely tough. They wanted to give me four doses of the cervix softeners... but bc my contractions were so close together, I only got one dose at 2 pm earlier that day. So I was having full blown contractions that weren't doing anything bc of how tough my cervix was. :( 

FINALLY around 1 am epidural guy is able to give me the epidural. And I believe afterwards I said the words "I love you" to the man. No joke. (first time mom mistake #3--- assuming the epidural is a big bad monster instead of an old friend). Instant relief. Instant relaxation. I highly respect the women that go natural, I truly do. But I in no way condemn the many women like me who choose the epidural. And it was NOT bad. So many non moms say how scared they are of the "needle"---- ladies, at that point I would have stuck that needle in my eye if it meant getting relief. Seriously... it was not bad. A little prick... a little back cramp... sitting very still for about 5 minutes... then boom. Comfort..happiness....rainbows. 

After I received my epidural, I of course went numb waist down which, yes is weird and not desirable, but again worth it. They then began the pitocin, and Eric and I got in a few hours of sleep. 

I thought for sure the pitocin would make me have the baby by early morning...but NOTHING. I was barely 4 cm by 8 am... and just pissed at this point. I hadn't eaten since 11 am the day before and was just begging for something to happen. 

Of course we also decided to have our little girl on one of the busiest days of the hospital's yet...with in an HOUR there were three babies born ( Aria was one of the them). The doctor was quite busy... but he finally got to me around 11 am and broke my water. No biggie, didn't feel it. But around 1230 pm, I was in transition and feeling everything again. The epi had worn off and I was MISERABLE. These were WAY worse than what I was feeling the night before. I had nurses and family around me coaching me through it. Wow... again props to those fighters that go natural. 

Finally I got another dose of medicine and went numb again. Then came the nausea... yes I know it was from the epi and lack of eating for at that point 24 hours, but I would still choose epi. The nausea sort of gave me a slight panic attack right before it was time to push. I suddenly had the feeling that I wanted to roll my ankles even though I couldn't and freaked out for some reason. So Eric rolled them for me to I guess suppress  the crazy and I threw up. Felt much better afterwards lol ( I was a hot mess at this point ). 

Then my nurse starts the pushing process with me and then doc comes in and we really start. I was NOT prepared for this. I was told from a lot of people... oh you know you will just push for a bit. Um no. Try an hour. You just feel so ridiculous but at that point you honestly don't care. You have lost every shred of dignity at this point... my legs were not only in the stirrups, but because she was a hefty little thing ( and we found out soon coming out head AND elbow first ) I had to also hold my own thighs to get more leverage. Attractive. Husbands... there will come a time when you will see your wife in the worst possible position ever. This is it. 

So pushing was different. I don't know if I had any preconceptions...but I definitely did not think it was going to be that hard considering I had the epi.  

(first time mom mistake #4--- assuming epi makes it EASY). No I did not feel "pain" at this point.... but the strain of trying to push something out of your...well you know.... is not a pleasant thing no matter how numb you are. They do the cliche count to ten thing... except by 6 I was ready to kill someone bc I was running out of breath each time. Doc would tell me my best pushes were ALWAYS 7-10, but I don't know still how I had the oxygen to push. And the noises I was making... well let's just say my family outside thought I was dying. Eric now describes it has a karate chop sound...lmao. here is cute pic btw of the CROWD  I had gathered at the hospital...

What love and support we have!

Ok... so fastforward about 30 min into pushing... I get nauseous again. Badly. I scream I am about to throw up... and I do. Except for not eating anything in 28 hours, and having just thrown up the mounds of ice chips I was allowed to live on...m y body had no choice but to throw up bile. yea I told you tmi warning. That was AWFUL. I thought I was dying... seriously lol. But doc and nurses said it actually helped quite about. The intense strain on my abdomen actually did a lot of work down there... and fastforward another 30 min and doc promised me three more huge pushes and she would be out. 

Push 1.... intense. Doc can see her "full" head of hair...more like her MANE. All I remember the doc saying is "you can braid this hair already." I pushed so hard when it was time to rest again I apparently passed out a bit. I remember my nurse plucking in me in the cheek to wake me up!

Push 2... more intense. Doc mentions a big technical term that meant she was coming out with her arm up too ( elbow was at temple basically)... Ah. So that's why I had to push for so damn long. I was NOT giving up at this point. All I could think was... I don't want her in that position for long, and I DON"T want the vacuum thing. Again, passed out a bit after that 7-10 mess. 

Push 3...I don't remember much. I just remember yelling and telling myself I was about to finally meet my little girl. rEric was great the entire time... he kept telling me in my ear I could do it. Then Sure enough... like they said... instant relief when she was out. This next part was so surreal. I remember seeing her hair first and thinking oh my god that's my daughter. Honestly, the second thing I thought ( and asked Eric) was "did I shit myself?!" lol I was so worried... very proud to say no! SCORE. Then I saw her little hand... and I think that's when I started crying. For some reason her hand made her real...

They plopped my sweet angel on my chest, and Eric  and I were in AWE. I couldn't believe it. I am still teary eyed when I think of that moment. Nothing can prepare a first time mom for this. You think you know what you will feel when you finally get to hold your little one. After 9 long months... she is in your arms. And PERFECT. I am not ashamed to say it... I was worried "what if I have an ugly baby?!" You know you have all thought it, I'm just saying it. Well regardless of whether she was ugly or not, you will not know. Because in that moment she is perfect.  My awesome nurse Malika captured this moment for us perfectly...

What a beautiful, beautiful moment. I had my entire world in my arms and next to me. And yes, you truly forget everything from the last 24 hours. You forget the pain, the pressure, the fact that she just shit black tar all over the doctor and nurses the moment she came out of me.  I just kept talking to her telling her I was here. Hoping she would know it was her momma holding her. 

So surreal. So awesome. So don't want to do it again for a long time. lol But so worth it to meet our little angel.

 At first I was going to write about all the "right after giving birth" stuff...but I figure I have to draw the line somewhere :)

 Here are few more pics in case you didn't see the million that are all over...

 that is about 10  min after birth...

such a proud daddY!

Ok, I have no more energy lol. The next entry is going to be a real tough one for me to write.... the FIRST TWO WEEKS. I have so much to say about this. So much to tell my soon to be mom friends because I wish I would have known!!! Stay tuned....

The Third Trimester....The RANT before the PAYOUT

Ok... it has been centuries since my last post ( and yes, I have had my sweet princess-- that is for next post ). But if lack of posting is any indication of what the past three months have been... you get it.

So remember when I said pregnancy was SOOOOOOOOOOOO easy... and aw I feel so bad for all those women who don't have symptoms.... blah blah blah. I was so sweet then. So young, so naive. I almost want to delete those posts. Because the third trimester came... and shook my world up for sure! Now, I am still extremely lucky. Never did get morning sickness... kept a healthy weight the whole pregnancy... but nothing can prepare you for how large and cumbersome you get once 9 months pregnant. This list is not so much a rant as it is a catharsis for me ( and maybe warning to those thinking they "might" want to get pregnant ):

1) Back pain. Back torture. All times of the day my lower back was plagued. Nothing could fix it.
2) Want to get out of bed without help or looking like an elephant trying to remove itself from quicksand? HAHAH that's funny.
3) Sleeping? Again, hilarious. I hated it when people said "get your sleep now"... because how is someone supposed to sleep when going to the bathroom 8 times a night is a GOOD night?
4) Cuddling with husband? Try, "Hey you, give me all your pillows or die."
5) Constipation. There I said it. Girls who have never been pregnant before... think of this-- your organs are literally playing a game of twister in your body. And you thought everything would just stay regular? pfff
6) The comments. Sigh... I really hate to write this because it makes me sound sooo whiny, but the things you hear from some people and WOMEN! WHO HAVE HAD KIDS!! It's like they forget what it's like to be big and pregnant,... or they are getting you back for what they heard. Here were some of my favorites... "Oh that baby is about to fall out!" "You must be having twins" "Aw, you are getting pregnant lip and nose!" Yea.
7) Peeing. Peeing all the time. My poor students.... I think I went to the restroom more during class than actual teaching. ( yea, I am sure they minded so much).
8) Wardrobe. Sort of a different one here... Sorry, but I just didn't want to spend a fortune on an ENTIRE maternity wardrobe. I bought what I needed to get by for sure... but towards the end, you saw me in about a total of 3 different shirts. I was preginant during winter...come on. It's not like I can just wear sundresses everywhere.
9) Braxton HIcks. Ugh these are awful. Not necessarily painful... but imagine your stomach suddenly filling with rocks and throwing your center of gravity way off.
10) the waiting. Yes, by the end you are BEGGING for jalapenos, a bumpy car ride, a full moon, ANYTHING to get that baby out. I basically walked about 10 miles in three days before getting induced trying to get my sweet girl out of there! I'm a neat freak... so I kept the house spotless for two weeks in anticipation of leaving at any moment to go to the hospital. Do you know how hard it is to always have your clothes washed/ dishes put away/ linens clean, etc? Oh and did I mention I had my hospital bag packed since THANKSGIVING. What a nut. Next go round (if I happen to forget everything in my next post) will be much different for sure.


Again- I hope I don't come off as complaining but I wanted to give an honest list of things I experienced in that scary third trimester.  I will definitely cherish the first two next time :) Here are a few pics of my last trimester... and Aria's gorgeous nursery that I spent way too much time on!

thanks for the compassion boo

OK... the next entry will be posted soon!!! Labor story... and our first  two weeks with Aria!