Well...this will probably be the entry I have spent the most time on in terms of how to word things. I really thought long and hard about what to put in this blog... hopefully it isn't too long. But these are all things I wish I would have known before spending those first two wonderful and terrifying weeks with my newborn.
"The Trip Home"--- I really am glad for those of you that had a calm, peaceful, and beautiful trip home from the hospital. I don't envy you... because I pretty much have a memory that I will never forget. You know how they say newborns are "always sleeping"? Haha, not Miss Aria. From the moment she was born she was the most alert baby. As I am typing this, she is on her playmat wide awake just watching me. So... the time comes for us to dress her and bring her home. Trying to schedule a smooth ride home, I nurse her and think oh surely she will fall asleep. Think again newbie. At this point baby girl is only living on colostrum ( look it up if you were like me) and a bit cranky. Eric and I also had never really dressed her before either. Combine hunger with new parents who suddenly forget how to dress a babydoll = one unhappy baby. Poor Aria is SCREAMING as we dress her and fumble with the carseat. OK RANT COMING---- those damn carseats. I realize they are leagues better than they used to be... but for first time parents trying to make sure they are just tight enough, without being too tight... it's a nightmare. I will never forget this scene: Aria is in her carseat (probably sweating her ass off bc we had her dressed for a blizzard), I'm hovering at her side trying to soothe her with her pacifier ( but I am still trying to recover from my hellish labor so can't move very well), and Eric ( this is the best part...) is PISSING SWEAT from every orifice trying to figure out the straps. And the nurse is just watching us from the side like "hm... incompetent fools. good luck when you get home". I realize this is NOT how I want to leave the hospital ( come on, it's Morgan City. I wasn't about to have the entire town know I couldn't get my NEWBORN to go to sleep). So I tell everyone to stop ( as my hormones flared up) and say put her in my arms as we get wheeled out. We will deal with this later. So we unstrap her and she calms down once in my arms and we are wheeled out in bliss. (quiet chuckle...) We get down to the lobby...and by the way, the weather was having a RECORD low... and it's time to tackle the carseat again. Luckily, we were a bit smoother and got her in with minimal crying before we just ran out of that hospital like we were skipping out on the bill. Yea... picturesque isn't it? I felt like the Beverley hillbillies leaving... but like I said, a good story and memory :)
Next topic... the "OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO FEELING"-- that is pretty much self explanatory, but please hear me all my friends who are expecting their first... USE YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDS. No matter how much I read, went to classes, thought I was prepared... nothing could prepare me for my first two weeks home. They are wonderful and terrifying at the same time. You cannot believe you actually have your bundle at home, and then you realize "oh my God, I am responsible for the LIFE of this baby." "am I putting her diaper on right?" "Is she eating enough?" "Is she cold? Is she hot?" "Is that gas?" "Why are her eyes watering?!" "I am never cutting her nails..." Oh and TAKE DINNER FROM YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM! Thank God for our family... we had meals for two weeks. My poor husband didn't go hungry & didn't have to eat fast food!! Sorry, not superwomen...can't raise a newborn, heal, and be Martha Stewart.
Next: I have compiled a list of things a first time (and OCD) mom needs to accept/be prepared for:
1) you will always smell like Butt Paste. No matter how much you scrub in your 3 minute shower, the smell will never leave you. You know how they say a newborn knows its mom's scent? YEA BABIES KNOW THE ONE THAT SMELLS LIKE THE CREAM RUBBED ON THEIR ASS IS THE ONE WITH THE MILK.
2) Your baby will shart (fart and shit) the second you change her diaper. Do yourself a favor...unless it's the biggest explosion you have ever heard... give yourself a bit before you change her. Because chances are, she will just do it again. Especially if she is breastfed. No, the poo WILL not eat their ass away. I thought every time she had poo I had to change immediately. And I am sure there are those who disagree with me, but I think excessive changing will make a baby's butt just as raw. Aria is almost a month, and hasn't got diaper rash yet. Just relax.
3) Remember how hot you used to be? Remember when you would get up in the morning and "get ready"? Well, for now you need to accept that those days are over. The sooner you accept that, the easier it is. Brush your teeth (eventually) and maybe put your hair up? And throw on some base and mascara to at least feel like a human, but the days of that perfectly curled hair/Mac model are over for now. I do hope they come back soon!
4) Let go of your dignity ( see previous post ). Again, especially breastfeeding. When it comes down to it, I prefer to stop my baby crying sooner than later. I don't have time to ask you to leave the room. I am feeding my baby. ( See the visitor note below )
5) Love your house. Because you will be spending a lot of time in it. Especially if you have a winter baby! I am still trying to adjust to this new hermit life.
6) Prepare for visitors. This is a difficult subject, because on one hand you understand that your family is dying to see their new addition, but on the other hand you need to try and schedule them! At one point we had over 10 people in the house a few days after I gave birth. It was overwhelming for me, and I had a lot of trouble handling it. Do yourself a favor and try and space them out. It's not mean, it's smart.
7) Re-imagine your clock. By this I mean don't see 5 pm as the evening anymore, or 3 am as late. Your new clock consists of these times: "baby eating" "baby sleeping" "Baby playing" "mommy sleeping". Period.
8) Treasure the small amount of adult time you have. A lot of people say "sleep when the baby sleeps." yes, absolutely. HOWEVER, I find that that small 30 min I have after putting Aria "down" for the night with Eric is gold. We watch a Modern Family in bed, talk, and go to bed. I think those 30 min where I feel like an adult again is way better than 30 min of sleep. But that's just me.
9) Daytime tv sucks. Get some movies. That is all.
10) Ignore the scale. Just trust me. I have only given birth 3.5 weeks ago, and have lost all my baby weight but 5 lbs, but I still feel like a failure. Just don't do it.
11) Replace your pretty kitchen counter decorations with the following: a bottle drying rack, your pump accessories, a lot of paper towels, and a lot of coffee materials.
12) Master the 1 hand diaper change. Only took me a week, and now I am thinking of entering a contest.
13) Realize your baby will not always look like a magazine model. I thought every day I would put my sweet girl in fabulous outfits and bows. hahaha... you will soon realize if they didn't spit up in their onesie from the night before, they will stay in it. And bows can wait until: you actually leave the house and she actually lets you put them on.
14) Sponge baths suck too. Luckily you only have to do it like every three days until the cord falls off. Your baby will scream. It's ok, she isn't dying.
15) Invest in a lot of Pj's--- it's all your wearing for a while mama.
16) Laugh when she poos/farts/breathes like an old man at night instead of worrying about it. It helps. Eric and I were in stitches the other night listening to her. Good memory.
17) She isn't dying when she spits up or is crying until she farts. I know her sad face stabs you in the heart, but it's supposed to. That means you care. She will get through it. And so will you.
18) Last, but not least: get some sun dracula. Vitamin D is good for you and her. Bundle her up and go for a walk on a nice day.
Ok, Last topic: "The Hormone Rage"***************---> This is very important for me to write. Of everything I expected to struggle with, my hormones wasn't one of them. I want to preface this with "this may not apply to everyone." But I wanted to tell my story in hopes of maybe helping someone else. The first two weeks I was home ( and then literally went away at the start of week 3) I had the worst experience with my hormones. I wouldn't say I had post partum exactly... I wanted to take of my sweet one. But I had such severe anxiety about EVERYTHING. From worrying if I was doing it right ,to if she would catch RSV, to if I was losing myself, to if I was being a good wife, I was crazy. I cried every 30 min it seemed. Over what? I don't know if I can tell you. I was just so worried about her, about me, about Eric. When I got a brief break from holding her, I would run to the bathroom and cry. When there were a lot of people over, I would take her in the nursery and cry. When she broke out in hew newborn rash, I cried like she was dying. When I was washing the dishes and everyone is having a laugh in the living room, I cried because I thought I would never feel happy again. A part of me is ashamed to admit it. Aren't you supposed to be ecstatic when you bring your baby home? And Instead I am super sad and anxious???? SO then I would cry because I wasn't feeling what I was supposed to feel! Seriously, I was LIVING in the crazy bunker.
Things I needed to hear at the time ( and did hear from my loved ones): It is OK to cry. No, you aren't crazy. It's hormones, it will pass. You are NOT a bad mom. You are doing the BEST JOB YOU CAN. Your family can just deal with your ups and downs, don't worry about them too. Your husband is a big boy... let him take care of you. TRUST yourself. TRUST it will pass. You will feel normal again ( still waiting on this one, but I am told it will come!).
So hopefully all those soon to be moms will remember all this. I hope I do for round 2 ( which don't get excited won't be for a longggg time).
Ok, don't know when there will be another post...but stay tuned!
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