My First Post and the" Why Am I Doing This" ?

Ok, so being that I have never started a blog before, I can't promise anything.I do not care to proofread this, revise it, or do anything I tell my students to do. Hypocritical, I know. But this isn't that sort of writing. I can't even promise I will have more than one entry on this "she must be bored, it's summer" project. Let me start by saying, I started this blog for myself after I found out I was pregnant for my little on due in January. Photo below: peanut at 6 then 8 weeks

 I guess it started as a way to chronicle my experiences over the next 9 months-- both to look back on as well as mock myself when my hormones aren't raging---which they are. But that is a post for another day. I foresee this blog becoming a way I can (as cliche as it sounds) "release." I live a very busy life, despite what most people think of teachers. During the school year, I am  at school teaching my heart out till 235, cheerleading till 430 (usually), an attempted workout fit-in, come home to an evening of the following (in no particular order): grading, a form of dinner, grading, planning, cleaning, grading, showering, trying to set aside time for hubby, maybe a view of one of my favorite shows, oh and did I mention grading? During our "summer," I give my cheerleaders off in June so that I can be the crazy person I really am inside. I create an intense list the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER, which outlines house projects, cleaning duties, cheerleading to do's, and school duties I want to accomplish before the fall. This list can run three-four pages on average. July rolls around and I add daily practice, more inservices, and a week long fundraiser to the list. My time starts get seriously cramped once again, and August is looming eerily ahead, complete with pep rallies, Friday night football games, and the usual beginning of year crazies. 

You may think I hate my job. On the contrary, I love it. I can't picture doing anything else. I am a nerd at heart. I enjoy the spontaneity of teaching high schoolers and the constant changing I have to go through in order to adequately teach them. The problem is my time. Because I am a perfectionist, I tend to give more time to things than I need to. 

And there is where my biggest fear is over becoming a mom: will I be able to be a good mom, a good wife, AND be good at my job-- while somehow finding time for me? I am sure that is every expectant mom's fear. But it is a real big one for me. I am not worried about my pregnancy (yet), not worried about labor (yet), not worried about hubby ( I will never be- he is fantastic). I am worried about what I am supposed to do post delivery room. 

My husband may be the greatest man on Earth. I don't know how God could create someone that is not only attractive, but patient, hardworking, understanding, funny, and loving. Go ahead-- assume that is what everyone is supposed to say. But he really is. And if you know Eric, you will agree with me. My family is awesome as well , and I am excited about my immediate family finally moving back home. My husband's side is super helpful as well, especially since my sister-in-law now has four beautiful and well behaved children (she is a database of current baby knowledge). I know they will be there for me. I am thrilled that I have excited them as much as I have by bringing news of our little baby! 

So it is not that I won't have support. Definitely not the case. It once again comes back to doubts about me. Will I be good enough? I don't exactly have the "mother" instinct, the "mother" look, or the "mother" touch. I know, I know-- "it will come." But what if it doesn't? What is my baby likes my mother and grandmother, and any other mother over me because they are better with children? Gah, I could go on for hours, but I won't. That is what I wanted to get off my chest I guess. That's what this blog is doing for me --- making me write until I see the point of my madness. 

So no judging. Publicly, anyway. I don't have the hormonal stability to cope :) Come on, I cried at an insurance commercial yesterday. Not kidding. 

Stay tuned for more irrational behavior, brought to you by yours truly.